HEART TO HEART

Heart to heart..(Hati ke Hati)..and this is not about love story.

It's about how we nurture our heart. I have learn to be a follower during my childhood. A follower to my older brothers, to my older sisters, how they behave at school, how they became famous at school at college and at universities. But I realised that I'm not alike them. I'm definitely not like them. My behavious, my principle, my character, my look or appearance, and even my complexion. Somehow I get used to be called as "hei...pepper farm chinese girl (anak cina kebun lada)". At first, it is hurt..but when I think..what is actually make me different.. so I start thinking..well it is because my complexion. But of course, girl is still girl, am start thinking and start making my own judgement. "AM I ADOPTED?" "NO!" said my mom. By looking at her serious face, I know I'm her biological daughter. "Why worry" I told myself, so long I have my mom and my dad there, they are my actual parent, nothing compare to that, so why worry, and I'm not adopted, it is just this girlish thinking and prejudice that I need to throw far away from my mind. And I start telling myself, you are lucky to have brothers and sisters who are always success in their exam, they are all smart and bright kids of my parent, and for sure I'll be like them. That's what my relatives said. Nothing else matter except my future. Start MOTIVATING myself, I'm sure to be success..now I must plant the seed from my age of fifteen (15) and time to go for SRP. Show it and prove it..YES..YES..YES.. I did it.

Next..go to College. Orientation at college teriblly give me heartache. HEARTACHE. "Hei.girl..why are you so much different that your sisters?..You didn't even look like your Brother's!" .."You are..so..so..different!" Those words came out from people who knew my brothers and sisters as they are so famous in college during their time..Senior times...But they are in universities now, I'm here alone facing the seniors who trying to take revenge on me. I do not know what are the things happened before. I'm going to face it. No matter how I'm not related to the things happened before. I'm here because I'm selected to be here. Not because my brothers and sisters are here before. Again I must nurture my heart to be open. Open my mind.  Let it be. Things will smoothly go as time goes by. Make friends with them. Try to be part of their world. Get to know them. At last, I'm leading the group as the Head Girl, Head Unit, Room Head ..bla..bla..bla..whatever.

Matriculation result to university, oops to Sabah. There we go. Four years in UKM Sabah brought all the good memories. The fourth year is the most challenging year. Tension is always in the air. ONe who can controlled their emotion, exploded in many reaction and ways. This period of time that we actually happened to bump in situation that reveal who is really a friend in need and indeed, or just merely friend when you are happy or even friend turn their leaves over to become enemy just because of the word jealuosy. But again, I told myself, maybe they are too young to judge and sometime at the wrong place and the wrong time,  the judgement is not being assessed by considering all perspective and definitely  its just rumours and emotion. But to me, no heart feeling, good things will reveal. I'm not afraid of facing them as I do not have any bad intention at all to them. They are still my friends.

Graduated Convokesyen...Congratulation..its graduation...la..la..la.la.la..la......

Oh no ..I got to pursue for my education diploma. Why? Because of my bursary award. It's a contract that I need to fulfilled. But thank you so much to Yayasan Sarawak Scholarship. I manage my dip ed with flying colours. I made friends while in Bangi. I stayed at rented house. Two times move out due to overcrowd. Meet this landlord of mine at that time who is still single. Made friend with her but at one point I don't really understand why she is being sarcastic and send us out to find other place to stay. Maybe there is something wrong with my colleague that hurt her feeling of maybe something that I did that made her sour. But of course, off we go and find other place to stay. Again, I don't want to bring the bad memory, I must go for good deeds, cherish everything.

Out of university, I decided not to become a teacher. .while my sisters are all teachers and brothers are lecturers, teachers, counsellor, simple to say..most of them in education line. Love my work as consultant till now..love to meet people..love to share lots of things, and of course..our life is like a wheel. Sometimes it is up and sometimes it is down. Last year my wheel is in a short while stay at the bottom position, But at this position I can see my friends from the past 30 years, meet them and see how they have success in their life, as a barber, as a restaurant owner, a fishmonger, a butcher, a postman, a soldier, a baker, teachers (of course), a policeman, and a housewife. At this point of time, I feel so blessed. Back to my house in KL, I met all my friends in this consultancy line, and tell them the story that wherevere we are, what ever we do, do it with all our heart, be excellent and the success will follow.